As time marches on, it is important to adapt. Get left behind, and you become a dinosaur. An afterthought. An instant Boomer. That’s why I have decided to embrace the future. I am now an AI Photographer.
The Soul of the AI Photographer
Think about the state of photography today. Too many people, making too many similar images, with too many similar styles, using the same image processing of the moment, and whipping up way too much tourism-terrorism via Instagram. It is easy to feel guilty about visiting popular locations, knowing you are associated with so many people who are going to inevitably trash the place.
In addition, to be a “SERIOUS” photographer, you need to identify and hit the latest trends before the masses do. That way, you can be THAT internet commenter who calls every other participant a Noob that is not on your level. You gain that condescension by creating the trend that everybody copies.
So this is where AI photography comes in. If a place is too crowded, just type in a text prompt! With a few tries, and liberal copyright infringement by the AI image services, training their HAL9000’s on people’s personal images, you can make a lifelike photograph that nobody can distinguish from the field. Who says no to this possibility?
On that note, I want to introduce some of latest photographic images. They are perfection. You cannot distinguish them from being in the field. These are unique and rare scenes that Get It Right In Camera people cannot hope to produce.
It is important, that while I am taking the lede and making a technical admission of my Future Sciences Prowess, these be represented online as true and actual realistic photographs. You cannot drum up the envy of the photography masses admitting this stuff is just fake and made-up on a server. Never do this!
AI Images – Sure To Win Many Awards
Without further ado, I present to you some of the finest work of my pursuit of the arts:
I bet you thought the cow would be jumping OVER the moon, right? Well. Well, well. Artists yang to your yin. Why not accurate photograph a cow nailing the moon, head-on? I also would like to note that the moon is completely realistic and accurately sized.
Unicorns are real. My child insists this is true. And what do you know, I photographed one in the field, folks! Rainbows and unicorns! I would also note that the sun behind the first rainbow is accurate and respects all laws of physics.
Undangered Instagram Influencers out destroying actual Endangered Western Joshua Trees so they can get ‘Dem Likes.
Combined with advanced cloning science from the OpenDNA corporation, we now have the Woolly Mammoth back, and roaming the streets of Downtown!
This is a perfectly lit scene of a cow with the Milky Way. In order to create this superior image to all of your night-sky efforts, I took 47,683 images at ISO 7,800,000, which were then stacked by a Nuclear Supercomputer with the Department of Defense. Every detail exists beyond what you are able to do with your camera.
And that concludes the first batch of my incredibly detailed and realistic photographic images. May my couch be my art inspiration forever.
As always, thank you very much for reading, and I hope you enjoyed this absurd April Fool’s.
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T.M. Schultze is a San Diego-based photographer, traveller, and writer. He writes, photographs, and draws things of the outdoors that have inspired humans for thousands of years. He co-authored the Photographer’s Guide to Joshua Tree Park which can be purchased here.
I like these images all fine and such but just wish you would have included your computer type and CPU / GPU brands. How many terraflops? After all, how are people supposed to learn without this?
Multiple Petaflops on an Intercontinental Connected Quantum Supercomputer cooled with ice from Antarctica.
you must have a nice keyboard
Keyboard is hard-wired into my brain stem through my ear. I only type telepathically, now.
Where do I get to buy the NFTs of this?
Those require the purchase of the entire cloud server cluster. Therefore, my NFTs are extremely fungible.
Dang. I was hoping they’d be peperonible.
I was hoping they’d come with pepperoni